It Doesn't Have To Be Perfect






                 This environment for me is very relaxing. There is nothing I like more to do than to explore with no end, compose music with my mind running around and around endlessly, and play music continuously until I literally am burned out. I wish I could do this more often: do what I love, and relax until I literally cannot stay awake any longer.
                 Being alone many times makes me feel good. It has nothing to do with not liking people. It is that I think more clearly when I am left to myself to analyze, think through things, and create. I know people who would go insane if they were in the environment I like. But for me, it works and is absolutely necessary.
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                It makes me very aggravated when I hear that people rely on Facebook for the news or what a person is doing in their lives. I quit Facebook because of self-esteem issues, and I will not rant and say all the reasons in this post. But I will say that if people are posting what is the truth, they are obviously not posting negative, imperfect things that happened. The only time I have seen this is one Facebook friend I had who posted things suggesting they were depressed, that was one time, and that was it. However, everything else people post seems to be perfect. People only post the positive events in their lives. There is nothing wrong with hearing good news, it is a great thing. However, if you continually look at the seemingly only good lives of hundreds of online friends, you start to wonder if they ever make mistakes or have a bad hair day or not have something in their favor like you do. Their pictures make them look like they just came off the cover of a magazine. People also post so many pictures of them and their boyfriend, and they always look good together, making you envious. You wonder if they ever didn't get the job or the promotion.You wonder if you have ever lived because you haven't posted everything good in your life. Nobody is perfect, but they leave the imperfections off of Facebook. That's the problem.
               Facebook does have its uses. It does help you keep up with friends and is very good for that. I didn't get on very much anyway because I have other more important things to do with my life. But I did feel like I was missing out on not looking a certain way, not posing for the camera with a cute guy in a tight hug, or just blurting out whatever is on my mind regardless of how arrogant or stupid it may sound.After spending time on Facebook for even a few minutes, I felt like I was not a good enough person, often I felt like I "was not growing up on time" or "not looking grown up enough" after reading what people did or seeing their pictures. Sometimes I cried. The longer I spent online, the worse I felt about my own life, personality, and preferences.
                I have been told that Facebook is good for promoting your music. That sounds practical from a business standpoint.
               
                Sometimes, I have felt this way, like I am not being the responsible young woman I ought to be, and then I would see something on TV that would enlighten me and inspire me. It seems like what is on the screen when this happens is everything I am and everything I want to be. I remember feeling inadequate one day when I sat down to watch TV, and when I turned it on it happened to be Sting. He played the guitar so passionately, he even played the lute. He talked about how he composes music and it showed him. As soon as it was done, I didn't care about what everyone else was doing anymore. I wanted to be myself again.
               When Maria and Captain from the Sound of Music play the guitar, it inspires me. I also saw a commercial of a young woman who was a musician and songwriter, and she said she was "addicted to songwriting." It then showed her sitting on a couch, strumming an acoustic guitar and singing for fun. This greatly inspired me to want to be myself again.

                                      

               






           From the time I was little, I would always have dreams about music. I remember having dreams about finding a guitar in a basement or a house. I had plenty of dreams about clarinets as well. I often find myself wanting to explore with no end, like I did in those dreams.

                                     





                          It is when I do these things that I am the most satisfied with my life.




                                              I am not perfect. Facebook is not my life.


THIS is what I prefer to do instead. I live in the real world. If we were all perfect we could never work towards making a project because it would've already been done.

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